On the surface, it seems like an odd idea that you could be anything other than who you really are. But from the time we are in diapers, we’re programmed to “fit in”. Consciously or unconsciously, we are taught to conform to please the people we love, and who love us.
But sometimes that means that you have to suppress who you truly are. And yet, your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. Without a healthy relationship with self, it’s practically impossible to have healthy relationships with anyone else.
Every time you abandon yourself to fit in, you’re not only disconnecting with yourself, but you’re also hindering your growth and development.
You're here to be you. You're here to express and create from the perspective of your unique individuality. Your person, your life, and your story get to be a special flavor of experience found nowhere else in the multiverse. Own it.
So many of us spend our days trying to live up to this image of who we think we should be instead of living life on our terms. When you think about it, that's the craziest thing! Shouldn't life be enjoyed to the fullest? I would say the pursuit of happiness is our inherent right.
What if the choices we made were based on what we wanted and thought was best? That's what it means to be an empowered, sovereign being — to exercise our power to choose our path. But so many of us give our power away to people and circumstances outside of us.
The easiest, simplest way to be yourself is to be fully present and do what feels RIGHT FOR YOU in the now moment. Become more aware of what expands your energy and what doesn't, then choose accordingly.
Of course, that doesn't mean you have to be an arrogant asshole only concerned with their own good at the cost of others. But you also don't want to be a people pleaser who has no sense of self and gets lost in other people's needs, wants, and expectations.
We're social creatures and as such, need each other. But relating to others doesn't mean you have to compromise your integrity. It's all about balance.
That can look like...
If you want to live a juicy life that nourishes your mind, body, and soul, it has to come from a space of authenticity.
So here are 4 ways to help you get there:
1 - Quiet the noise in your head
You know those voices well, the ones constantly nagging you to pick up the dry cleaning, talk to the school teacher, juggle the bills, schedule the vet, and keep the boss happy. With all that noise going on, you can't hear anything else.
Start by taking control of your head space. Create a few moments away from the busyness and chaos to practice connecting with yourself. This MUST be the first step. How do you do that? By setting up systems, simplifying, and establishing enough extras in your life to allow you to operate from a position of abundance, instead of lack.
2 - Practice thinking about yourself in healthy ways
To do that, you must first believe that you are valuable and that your real self has something to offer the world. Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined — that’s a lot of talk! —it’s up to YOU to establish healthy communication in your thinking.
Consciously listen to how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you say; challenge them; and replace them with facts. Self-Talk: “You never do anything right.” Challenge: “Of course, I do things right. I did (example) right. I did (example) right. This time, I just made a mistake. I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.”
3 - Listen to your heart
Sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and go only with our heads. Those two must reconnect to find your real self. It’s easy to get used to thinking about your feelings instead of actually feeling them. One exercise that can help is taking a few moments each day to pay attention to your emotions. Ask yourself what you’re feeling, and then allow those feelings to exist without judgment. Embrace them with a big hug. Instead of asking yourself what you think about something, ask why it’s important. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and honest with yourself.
4 - Be careful not to get hung up on a specific goal
What you’re really after is a feeling -- joy, respect, love, appreciation - as opposed to a new car, vacation, or a great partner. When you focus on a feeling, you can manifest it in different ways. If you focus only on the goal, you limit your potential for success. For example, instead of wanting to find “the one,” it can be more effective and healthier to focus on feeling joy in your relationships. Ultimately, that will lead you to the right connection. Ask yourself how you want to feel in each area of your life, and be open to how those desires can take form.
The key to making aligned choices is taking the time to get back in touch with who you authentically are. Your true self is the one that knows what’s best for you! And the more time you spend getting to know and nurture yourself, the more fulfilled you’ll feel. It’s a process that becomes easier over time.
Allow yourself to live life on your terms and in the way that feels right for you. It is important to be true to yourself and not compromise your integrity to please others. Deconditioning who you were taught to be is a process that takes time, but it's oh-so worth it!